Olympic Sports and Jackson Hole Wildlife
Image credit: Olympic logo by Pierre de Coubertin (1863-1937)
The 2024 Olympics wrap up later this week, ending two weeks of eyeballs around the world being glued to screens, eager to witness the heartbreak and triumph of this worldwide competition. But you know who hasn’t been watching? Animals. Still, that doesn’t mean they might not be good at sports if they entered. Here’s our list of favorite Jackson Hole animals and the Olympic sports they’d most likely take part in:
Wolves - Snowboarding
No matter where they go, wolves get a bad rap. Twenty-five years ago, for instance, wolves were reintroduced to Yellowstone, a move applauded by environmentalists. Ranchers, on the other hand, were a bit less enthusiastic. Snowboarders have been getting a similarly mixed reception since they first started “invading” ski resorts in the 1970s. A few ski resorts still think they’re too good for snowboards. I don't know, maybe they think snowboarders will eat their livestock?
Bears - Wrestling
This one’s pretty straightforward. Have you ever wrestled a bear? If so, how's that full-body cast going? A bear would take home Olympic gold FOR SURE.
Coyotes - BMX
Coyotes are rough and scrappy, and they don’t get the attention or respect some of the flashier Jackson Hole animals get, which would make them perfect for BMX. You know those coyotes are guzzling Monster energy drinks and head-banging to Metallica off-camera.
Elk - Table tennis
Sure, those massive antlers are good for attracting mates and perpetuating the species or whatever, but it’s time we put them to real use: strapping ping-pong paddles to them and bouncing tiny plastic balls back and forth. Can you imagine?
Deer - Cricket
Deer are basically elk knockoffs, and cricket is basically a knockoff of baseball, which makes them a perfect pairing. Plus, something about a deer’s snooty glare makes it the animal most likely to utter nonsense phrases like “take a wicket.”
Bison - Squash
At first glance, you might think a bison is an odd choice for a sport that takes place entirely in a closed-off space and requires a high degree of dexterity and precision. And you’d be right. I mostly picked this one because of the name of the sport, which is what exactly would happen to you if you tried to share a squash court with a bison.
Bald Eagle - Diving
I mean, doing a flip off a diving board is cool and all, but I’d like to see an Olympic athlete swoop down and catch a fish in their mouth, then rise into the air and inspire America with their grandeur. Now that’s diving.
***
This post is brought to you by Flat Creek Inn.
Ryan Kunz is a copywriter and freelance writer who writes on a variety of topics, including media, the outdoors, and whatever else strikes his fancy. He mostly watches the Olympics for the memes.
